This article uncovers a profound constitutional tension afflicting India’s burgeoning crypto ecosystem, where the Securities and Exchange Board of India’s 2025 algorithmic trading rules and the Foreign Exchange Management Act (FEMA)’s capital‑control regime converge to impose untenable compliance trilemmas on corporate directors, thereby breaching their fiduciary duties of care. Drawing on never‑before‑published board minutes from penalised exchanges, whistleblower interviews, and Financial Intelligence Unit enforcement data, it demonstrates how this regulatory schizophrenia has driven compliance costs to surge, exacerbated insolvency risks, and chilled cross‑border investment. Through a three‑fold constitutional diagnosis, under Article 14’s intelligible differentia test (State of West Bengal v. Anwar Ali Sarkar), Article 19(1)(g)’s proportionality standard (Indian Medical Association v. Reserve Bank of India), and Article 21’s due process guarantees, the article situates India’s predicament within a global context of regulatory fragmentation, from MiCA to the SEC-CFTC “penalty federalism.” It then prescribes targeted legislative surgery, including clause‑level amendments to FEMA § 2(n) and the creation of a GSTN-inspired compliance portal to automate regulatory harmonisation, offering concrete mechanisms to reconcile investor protection with monetary sovereignty. By bridging corporate governance, constitutional law, and financial regulation, this work provides a definitive roadmap for resolving India’s most urgent business-law conflict.